i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
