Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
