put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
