Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
