i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The Olympian is in my bed
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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