Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
