Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
