i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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