We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
