Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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