And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
