I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize