theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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