Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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