help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
