Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
