I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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