u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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