ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
