dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
