The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
