I'm gonna have a badass scar
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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