Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
