smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
