he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i will never coherently bang her
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize