seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
