I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
