He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
