and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i may or may not be watching the land before time
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's always time for handjobs
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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