I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
