I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
