So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
