Screwed.edu
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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