There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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