ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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