wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize