We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
