You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
