I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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