Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
