WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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