Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
