As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
