Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize