This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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