Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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