I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
