She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize