You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
