Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
