Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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