they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have aggressive nipples.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize