Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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