He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
