yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
