So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize