God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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