her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
