He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
