I'm so fucking centered right now
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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