Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
