when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
