i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I see more hoeing in ur future
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
