I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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