Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
