you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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