apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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