She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
