I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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