FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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