My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
