If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
