Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
