I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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