totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
