Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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