lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
