i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
