She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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