You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
