I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
