I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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