as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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