I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
