Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
one two three fourrrrnication!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
