genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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