your room smells of hookers.
And success
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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