so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
