I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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