did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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