here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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