"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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