Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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