now i know why i became what i already was.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The best revenge is premature balding
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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