He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize