we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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