dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
birth control should be required to get into college
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
