that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
