Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
