The maid of honor just puked.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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