If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
