he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
