I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
