I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wish there were birth control emojis
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
