peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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