Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I died a long time ago.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
