you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
