You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
