I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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