well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
