Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
