Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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