Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
